Cafe | May 25, 2019

It’s ok if you haven’t found “The One” yet

Life is short. Sure, there’s no denying that. But sometimes, we get so caught up in the fast-paced lifestyle, the rush, the I-need-to-get-everything-checked-off-my-list, that we forget to slow down and enjoy our daily lives.

We’re so quick to jump into relationships, back into the dating world, and into connections and commitments with others. We’re chasing love and trying so desperately to find it that we’re grabbing hold of superficial relationships and surfacing empty and dissatisfied, wondering what we’re doing wrong.

It takes time to heal. And it takes time to fall in love, again.

This isn’t a quick course of action, where you dip your toes into the water and expect to find something meaningful right away. Love isn’t shallow. It’s feeling and testing the waters, but then jumping completely in. It’s getting deep. It’s knowing how to swim, how to save yourself, but still trusting that another person will keep you from drowning. But real love takes time. Finding ‘the one’ takes time. And it’s okay if you haven’t found ‘the one’ yet. We get so caught up in this idea of true love that we are supposed to find it by this certain time, that it’s supposed to look a certain way, that we’ll know beyond a doubt what we’re doing and how things will pan out. But love isn’t like that.

You don’t just stumble across the right person. You don’t have this relationship where the two of you always get along. Real love means growth. Sure there will be times when you know 110% that you’re destined to be with this guy or gal forever. But you won’t always want to be. You’ll have days where you just don’t want to deal with them. And that’s okay because that’s real love.

But it’s totally fine if you haven’t found that yet.

It’s okay if you feel alone. Sometimes, it’s all right if you put all your love into your last relationship and feel broken if you aren’t sure where you are going - if you’re terrified of love, if you’re nervous you will never find the one. Whatever stage you are in, wherever you are, stop worrying about finding love. You will find it. You just need to let go and trust the process.

There are no rules for this thing. There's no how-to manual, No guide. There’s no cutoff for finding the man or woman you’re supposed to marry, no deadline, no expectation. And if there is, that’s world-imposed and not reality. Love can come at any time, any age. It doesn’t matter who’s engaged, who just had their third baby, who’s getting married and posting their gorgeous photos on Facebook.

Know that you are you and you will find love when you are meant to find it.

Instead of focusing all your energy on finding love, find yourself first. Follow your passions. Work hard at your job. Be supportive of your family and friends. Travel. Move. Visit a long distance cousin. Do something strange and exciting. Let go of past baggage.

And most of all, stop worrying.

This silly, wonderful thing called love; yes it will happen! It will happen when it’s meant to. When it’s the right time, you’ll have quit obsessing over it and you’d just let it be. Trust in that!