Cafe | May 27, 2019

How to regain trust in someone who’s hurt you

If you’ve ever been cheated or lied to or not told something you should have known by your partner, it feels like the worst feeling in this world. Trust us, we know! But that doesn’t necessarily mean the end of the relationship.  

You can hold a grudge for as long as you want, but that will not benefit either of you. Like Dave Willis rightly said, “Holding a grudge doesn’t make you strong; it makes you bitter. Forgiving doesn’t make you weak; it sets you free.”

What you need to do is lower your expectations. This advice is not only in case of a romantic relationship but all sorts of relationships in your life. According to experts, you need to view relationships as fluid and not solid. That means, you need to accept the fact that people can enter and leave your life, their roles can change and the way you relate with the other person as well. As much as we hate hearing the bitter truth, it’s only sensible to accept the situation as it is and move on.

You either leave the person and move on or forgive the person never to look back, especially if he genuinely regrets about what he’s done. Learning to let go of people you love when they have hurt you is one of the most challenging tasks one has to face in this lifetime. But once you are done it with, you will not only have a better relationship with them but in turn, learn things about yourself as well. You will turn into a better version of yourself.

If your partner is really sorry after having cheated on you and realizes his mistake, know that he has to work on the relationship ten times more than ever before. According to Lauren Irish, relationship coach at Maze of Love, “Once trust is lost within a relationship it is incredibly difficult to rebuild. Your partner not only has to work through distrust caused by the tangible action but now also has to address all the 'what-ifs' in [their] mind.”

It is nearly impossible to regain trust, but before doing you need to trust yourself first. You need to know that in case such situations happen again; you need to take it well and ensure that you can handle yourself.

For some couples, working through a betrayal can make the relationship even stronger. What you can do after a betrayal is to assess the situation and do what you think is best your future. You need to ask yourself if your partner has broken your trust in the past as well. Had this incident not happened, was your relationship going well or not in general and what does it reflect about their overall character? Based on the answers you can move forward in the way you want to.