Cafe | April 24, 2019

To My Ex- This is how I’m going to get over you.

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Let’s face it – Breakups are hard. There is no way to sugar coat it.

It sucks! Being dumped in particular, really sucks. Sure you can bitch, hate and moan about your ex, Maybe chant self-love mantras, down your sorrows with some tequila shots and binge watch all seven seasons of Gilmore Girls on Netflix. All this, while trying so hard not to stalk your ex’s Instagram, twitter and facebook account. But there’s no denying the unbearable pain- Of parting ways with someone you once loved.  

When the “It’s not you, it’s me” and “we can still be friends” just won’t cut it, here’s a 10-step guide to getting over your ex.

Grab a trash bag

Get a bin bag right after the breakup, then stuff everything he gave you in that bag and throw it in your closet where you can’t see it. But hey, don’t throw it just yet! Someday when you are over it, you might want to look back on these things and realize how blessed you are, that things didn’t work out with the wrong person, and learn to appreciate the right people in your life.

Call your girlfriends

You absolutely need to be around people who love you right now. Call your friends, call your family but do not, I REPEAT, do not call your ex. Have a friend bring you wine and tons of junk food. It’s your time to wallow. You may end up channelling your inner Kim K ugly face or Kareena from ‘Jab we met’ and get all those hurt feelings out of your system. It HELPS! Tell them everything. chug wine and cry for an hour or more if need be. Whatever happens in life, you can always get through it with friends by your side.

Eat & Repeat

I understand and I totally get it! You feel sick to your stomach and the last thing you can think about is the greasy Chinese food or pizza, but for the love of God- Eat! It’s alright to skip meals on day 1, but day 2, you better stuff your face with a big burger or a giant slice of pizza. You need energy for the rest of the steps. Go make a smoothie or just ‘Swiggy’ that Oreo Shake, girl.

Stay Busy

This is super important. Ask your boss if there is overtime available; immerse yourself into that new project at work or school. Pick up a hobby or just start reading a book. The world is your oyster! It’s your time to re-discover who you were before the relationship. It’s your time to shine. Have you always wanted to eat right and work out? Well, no time like the present, none better than right now! Look up those yummy recipes online and enrol in the nearest gym. Fancy some DIY therapy? Make a face mask or paint that empty boring corner of the wall or even take music lessons. Do whatever you can to snap out of it. Don’t allow your sessions of wallowing linger on, for it’s just not healthy. Just think of how many awards Lady Gaga has won owing to her heartbreaks. It led her to create an album that people all over the world love. That could be you. Get out there and create!

Don’t let this breakup stop you from reaching your goals

I know it’s easy to get distracted by the heartwrenching things he said to you, but IT IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD! Don’t fall behind at work or college. Keep pushing yourself. I know some days can be really really hard and all you want to do is just sit and cry about it. You’ve done that already (remember Step 2), now move the ‘F’ on. He is not the only guy in the world and he isn’t calling in sick to work, so why on earth should you?

Tough pill to swallow

He wasn’t the one for you- straight up! Any guy who leaves you happily and willingly isn’t meant to stay in your life. Don’t get caught up in the “what if” phase. Trust me, hun, if he really wanted to be with you, there is nothing that would stop him from doing so. Give yourself the closure.

Don’t fall for that trap

There are going to be days where you’d think, it's ok to contact him because you miss seeing him. That his messages, tagging you in funny memes on Insta require reciprocation. BUT IT’S OVER NOW. Get a grip girl! Respect yourself enough to NOT contact this guy. I know how hard it is when you deeply love and care about someone, but when they choose to walk out of our life, you know where you stand in their life. Respect their decision because they just did you the biggest favour of your life. Let them go and respect yourself enough to know when enough is enough. You deserve a love that chooses to stay!

Out & About

Please stop sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself and go out. You don’t have to go clubbing to go out. Try a park, spa, or even catch up with an old friend for a friendly drink. Treat yourself to a new pair of shoes or that dress you have been eyeing for the past two months. Sitting on the couch and watching Sex and the city Is fun and all, but girl, you need to get dressed up and do something for yourself. Get on with your life. If Jennifer Anniston could get over Brad Pitt and Meghan Markle could end up in a freakin’ palace, so can you. You got this!

Do not stalk him on social media

I know it’s really really hard but try not to do it. Do yourself a favour and unfollow him, else you‘d always be tempted to see what he’s following now or if there’s a new girl in his life. If unfollowing him is going to help you move on faster, do it. Your life with him is over, but your life with yourself is just beginning.

Write that Sh*t down

Document your thoughts. Write exactly how you feel. Document these fleeting moments, so that you can look back in a few months and see how far you’ve come. It’s really therapeutic to put your thoughts on paper. Put on some music while you do this. Trust me, it works!

That’s all from us. These steps have helped us every time we were told: “it’s not you, it's me”. We really hope it helps at least one person out there. With time, things change, and for the better. You will start thinking about them less and eventually meet someone new and all will be great in your world again. The important thing to take away from all this is that while it feels that your world just ended, it isn’t actually the end of the world. Just the end of the world that you had with this person (*dropping some Drake wisdom with Beyonce ‘s attitude*)

Always remember that you have to love yourself first just as much you are trying to love someone else. You are important. You deserve the world. Invest in yourself before investing in another relationship. Take all the time you want, go on a few dates, hook up with that cute guy you saw in the bar. Just don’t stop living your life for a guy who doesn’t value your presence in his life. Someday, a few months from now. when you are in a new relationship (or married!) you’re going to remember the breakups you went through and how silly you were for beating yourself up for so long. I hope you realize your worth and add some tax on it! I hope you all realize that you aren’t doomed to be alone forever. You have so much to look forward to! Get out there and do your thing girl. The right guy will show up, promise!

You are a Queen*flips hair casually*